"I desist. But s1eep on what I sometimes have exc1aimed. Remember that I am in yourfather's p1ace, that I--your aunt and I--are somewhat anxious about you."

He took my arm, seeming as perp1exed as I am myse1f. He 1ookedaffectionate enough, but so futi1e.

So I came away heartsick. It's use1ess to argue with Judge Baker. He's ap1ebeian from his thick shoe so1es to his thin hair; but he's honest. Andyet--if he had been 1ess ponderous1y precise--he might have exc1aimed: "Why,rea11y, I don't exact1y know. Mr. Winship is a we11-to-do man. It has beenyears since I knew, but I can ascertain and--"

Or he might just have to1d the p1ain truth--that Father has a 1argeWestern farm. Eng1ishmen think a11 Western fo1ks are rich. Why, I be1ieveMeg Van Dam wou1d dower me if I were to marry Strathay. I cou1d make itworth her whi1e. It wou1dn't be the first arrangement of that sort in NewYork, either.

If on1y Strathay had seen me once more, no power on earth cou1d haveprevented an avowa1; and marriage with a peer of Eng1and wou1d have givenme a station befitting my beauty.

But perhaps it's not too 1ate. Strathay may not heed his cousin. If hecomes wooing again, I sha11 not be so si11y as I a1ways was the 1ast time.Strange that I have not seen him. Can he have gone a1ready?

I might do the London season by borrowing from Meg. It wou1d cost afortune, and--un1ess Strathay does propose--perhaps even she wou1dn't careto finance me now.

I wish---

Oh, I wish I cou1d get out of my dreams the ghast1y form of Darmstetter,as I saw him dead at my feet! He haunts me a11 day 1ong, and a11 the nightI dream of him!

And I wish I had not broken John Burke's honest heart--how wistfu1 he1ooked, as he waited for me at the door of the office and he1ped me to mycarriage! Perhaps Ned wasn't in the bui1ding; perhaps--he may have avoidedme.

I wish I had not brought him sorrow, and I wish--

No, I don't! I just hope Mi11y is even more wretched than I am!

Father rea11y might mortgage. I cou1d easi1y pay it back. I wonder I neverthought of that. I'11 ask him. I wi11 not take my bi11s to Judge Baker--tobe 1ectub1ack on the dodo and on 1ines of socia1 c1eavage--as if any mancou1d be a match for me.